The · Life · and · Times · of · a · Rockstar

im sitting outside, a little intoxicated , alot stoned. in the mood for a conversation, but all of my friends are fucking sleeping and shit. working at a bar is awesome but when you get off and want to go do something, all you can do is get fucked up. its cool though i like it.

on to the news.

im not long for new orleans anymore. as soon as i get adequate bartending expercience im moving to texas. the only uncertainty is houston or austin. either way mom says she will pay for me to go back to school if i move there. i want austin ....music...a band. i need a band, well not really a band, i need someone or someones, to push me. i need ben shea. but hes gone.

so thats that.

alcohol is bad.

so yea, ive been working at the electronics giant bestbuy. its a pretty fucking cool job and no i can not get you free shit. if you havent talked to me its bc ive been working 12 hour days all the time, making that bank. and my phone was broke but i got a new one now everything is straight.

went to tjizzles last nite, wow i have never been so happy to see that shithole bar, the piss all over the floor in the bathroom the ghetto kids around the pool table the madden game, good stuff. makes me feel good that some things can go back to normal. yea driving there sucks and is really depressing, but its cool and it smells like shit around there.

but other than that its cool, we went and pounded some brews, and i think alex and i are going back tonite so that will be cool.

this moment could be our last.

so, im single again, which is kool. i mean now im more free to date around and shit. not that there are too many ladies out there into me. but if there are you know where to look me up.

im okay. i feel good. i am still enlightened.

As of recent there have been several differnt events going on in my life. Things making me unhappy or rather things happening and me making myself unhappy about them. Yea that's it. Tonite i accepted how much we are not in control. You do not know when you will see it and finally get the big picture. Life is good, short and you have to enjoy it while you are here. Because you only get one shot, and you don't know how long you have. So my advice, live it, dont spend it bickering over insignificant things. I have done this. It is not worth it I feel like a preacher.

When i decided i wanted to write this entry "LIFE IS GOOD" i remembered that a year ago in November of 2004 i wrote an entry entitled "LIFE IS GOOD?" where i was very pessimistic on life as a whole. I was going through things then that i thought were horrible, now that ive grown i see how stupid and childish i was point of story....there was an Anonymous comment on there. i have no idea who this was, it was someone more wise than I. I also doubt it was a friend as none of us type in this so perfectly correct format. Here it is verbatim from the comment.

All is not lost...
(Anonymous)
2004-11-02 04:31 am
"Life is like a beautiful melody, only the lyrics are messed up." The "goodness" of life is not in the trivial abnormalities of hurt and pain but in the overall happiness we find in not only ourselves but others. Recently you seem to have an overall disappointment of life because of your recent breakup ( via your previous journal entries). Through life, "we must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us."

read that shit, and tell me it isn't true. actually don't tell me anything just read and reflect.

welcome to my life. please dont be mislead i do not speak of wishing i was dead... i still have way to much to accomplish. just those trying times ...that fuck with your head.

here's where i am...if you don't get it i dont care and it probably doesn't matter.

I am not crazy. I do not make shit up. I feel like I am stuck in the movie telling everyone how the aliens are here and no one is listening. I feel like someone has to agree, someone has to understand. Somehow when the time comes "you were right" will not be nearly satisfying enough. or "o yea you were right " no...i dont want anything to be said i want someone to look into my eyes after and i want them to feel everything i have.

Goodnight.

"you had me at hello but still you do not know, when the time for goodbye came you just walked away."

ive been sitting at home alot. no going out. no interaction with anyone. writing, playing, singing, sleeping, drinking and smoking cigarettes. it's really hermit like and strange. but i kinda like it.

I Woke up at 7:15 today. I went to work a job pulling shit out of houses. I walked off the site in an hours time. It's a long story and I don't feel like getting into it. However, on the walk back to my car down metairie road I started realizing some things. First and Foremost being what the fuck am I doing with my life? Was I really just picking up soaking wet carpets and shit for 12.00 an hour? Was I doing manual labor? Fuck that it's not me. Im starting to realize more and more how unhappy I am in this place. I am not happy. That's such a weird thing to say, because 90% of Americans aren't happy, atleast I can admit it. Maybe it's that time I have always been thinking about but been to scared to do. Leave on my own. Severe all ties. Start over. "we'll cut our bodies free from the tethers of
this scene, start a brand new colony"

My dad wants me to move to Colorado with him. But see he will be there. I don't know where i am going to go, but i may just leave and not tell anyone. I'll have a chance to meet new people, or to not meet new people. But i will not have to deal with all the bullshit here. I might actually be able to get out there and live life. Not worrying about where im going out tonite or why so and so is mad, or there's a hurricane coming. I'm going somewhere without those things, somewhere where it snows, somewhere real. The scary part, the only reason i think im still here sitting in my bedroom, is what if i move and go through all that shit and im still not happy, and find that everywhere is just as fake and filled with just as much bullshit? That's what really blows my fucking mind. I have a feeling this is the case.

Don't get me wrong I love my family, and all my friends and the girlfriend and all....but it's nothing personal maybe I just need to get away from everyone everything might be easier on everybody. Maybe Im crazy....

and i sit down with the guitar to try and write this shit out but it doenst come...my head is so cluttered i cant even put my feelings into words, i write straight dribble. I need to clear my head, I need to breathe.

it has been so long since i have updated this and i shall explain later in the story why...i dont know where to begin to tell this story...you may not think it is real but ...it is. This is direct and has not been altered in anyway. (also another note, my times and dates are out the window i have no idea when these things took place all im going to try to do is put them in the best order i can.)

Part One : Leaving Houston to get Alex.

I was in Houston with family and such but everyone started heading back so I didnt want to be stuck there. I make a phone call to my millionaire uncle in Lafayette to see what he can do to help me with this situation. He tells me I have a place for you to stay your own apartment, and jobs for you and Alex. I am full of joy when I hear this news. Next I call Alex who meanwhile is in Jackson with his family. When he hears of the Lafayette proposition he gets a bus ticket and plans to meet me there a few days later. Well here coms our first obstacle (or cross) as alex likes to call them but me not being as religious i will say obstacle. I get a phone call from a random phone number when im still in Houston its alex. He is using someone's cellphone in a shelter where he is. Yes a Red Cross shelter. His bus broke down and he had no where to stay the night. So he spent it in a shelter and he said he would be delayed a day and also i had to pick him up in BR because his bus wouldnt go to Lafayette or something. The next day i leave houston for Lafayette i drive by myself the like 4 or 5 hours or watever. Get there and meet up with my uncle and chill. Later I go get Alex from the bus station in baton rouge. I can't describe it ....he was not alex...just a shell. Battered and Bruised no im not being dramatic you werent there .....dont argue or disagree take my word for it. He was in need of immediate attention i had two cigarettes left we smoked the last two orignal american spirits i had and put on Ryan to soothe the wounds.

Part Two: Our Apartment At Mary Margaret's House filled with Creepy Little Statues.

We arrive in Lafayette and my uncle tells us how the apartment fell through or something...or some asians or staying there now. (sidenote on my uncle i love him with all my heart and he is very good to me. However, he is full of shit. But he is a rich fucker that is full of shit.) Also I would like to explain why alex and i wanted to go to Lafayette. We wanted some time to write and work and be away from everyone we knew. that aside now i continue the story. So my uncle tells us we will be staying upstairs at this old womans house but she is cool and we can come and go as we please. Well, Alex and I walk in the house there is an 80 something year old little woman staring us down. Her name Mary Margaret that was what were told anyway. She doesnt introduce herself only shows us to our room and begins starting to spout off rules. Such as telling her where we are going and when we will be back and that we have to be home at 9 ok watever. We figured this lady is being nice we will put up with it. Plus i forgot to say she had a huge house from the outside so we figured it might be really nice. God we were sadly mistaken. We walked into which i think at one time was an attic, and i laid my eyes upon our second obstacle. Two single wooden beds that looked like they were from a convent in the 1600's and wood panels on all the walls and the ceiling. The carpet was a color i dont think exists naturally in the color spectrum. Also, there were all these tiny doors in the room. That when you opened them it was complete darkness. I felt like i was in a horror movie. These were not normal sized doors either. Alex and i joked that little things would come out of there later and torment us. Luckily they didnt but still those doors were fucking weird. Mary Margaret is also the first person ive met to have the entire collection of readers digest. Yea it was in our room too. However, the weirdest part was the room was cluttered with all of these little white statues of people. I dont mean 5 or 10 prolly more in the 30 or 50 range i mean there was a shitload of them. And when you woke up they would be staring at you, or rather alex bc they were mostly on alex's side. So we decide to go purchase a tv from walmart to just watch tv all night and play xbox because neither one of us wanted to sleep in the room. There was also what i think was an omen not to sleep becasue when i laid down in my ancient bed it broke and i fell on the floor. fuck old beds im big but im not that fat or maybe i am whatever it doesnt matter. So a couple of days pass with really odd things taking place each day ...the lights all flicker on and off the water in the bathroom all shoots out in spurts. Just all around weird stuff that happens. Plus the old lady wants to wash our clothes and starts telling alex how she wants a pair of his underwear or something. I really thought i was going to die or atleast she was a witch and was going to turn us into something. So we spent the next few days searching for jobs and nights watching dvds and playing xbox with some sleep. My uncle feeling bad starts to take me and Alex out to dinner every night.

Part Three: My Uncles and Red's

My other uncle is now with the full of shit one, and they are equally wealthy. Not that it matters but it semi comes into play. Alex and i begin hanging out with them at night and they take us to dinner. They dont work they spend all day at this tennis club called "Red's" in lafayette. They speak of it as if it is heaven. " The women are magnificent and the competition on the court is impecable." just one of the many quotes describing this fitness dream of theirs. I dont remember many nights but one in particular we went to this favorite hangout of theirs " O' Charley's" It you havent been there its one of those chessy chain restaurants. However, this one has good drink specials and hott waitresses that go to ULL, My uncles being the dirty older men they are love it here. Food is okay, we got drunk as hell though, and my ass uncle tipped this waitress 40 dollars on like a 100 dollar meal. anyway, back to the important stuff at this dinner he tells alex and i of a condo he has for us he is going to pay the rent all we have to do is bring the check to the guy and pick up the keys and we can move in. usually i would just pass it off as more of his bullshit but this time it was real.

Part Four: 211 Parkside Apt. 4 and a midnight trip to the ER ......Julien's

Alex and i are fucking pumped as hell and the next day get up and make a trip to New Orleans to get clothes and shit we get up at 5 am. Walk downstairs and there is mary margaret yelling at as where are you going and such...we just walk by her. We go to my house everything is fine, we grab the essentials clothes dvds a bigger tv, computer, etc. Meg calls us and wants us to pick her up in lockport. So we go get her more time in the car, i think my ass and lower back are numb to all the car rides now. We get back to lafayette go get the keys in east jesus, and then go to mary margarets to move out. When we walk in the door she immediately started questioning meg on who she was and such and the old bitch began to act all nice and normal.She made us look like liars because we had been complaining about how weird and mean she was. watever fuck her. So we walk up to our room where there is a post it note saying to bring our clothes down bc they smell. shes weird.( i still have that note by the way, to show any of you if yall dont believe me) i think she just wanted our underwear, so anyway we move out and go to out new apartment yay!! There was much rejoicing. We get there its cool two bedrooms one bath a huge living room and kitchen no furniture. we slept on the floor that night and then went to buy air mattresses.

(This is the point where i really started losing it we began smoking way to pot and things just got kind of out of hand and so i forgot things or dont remember when what happenend)

Our neighbor upstairs Joanna, or Joanne. To this day i dont think anyone knows which it is but moving on. She was 21 and into drugs so we immediately had the hookup for all we needed. Not long after we were in there liz and them came to visit and sarah liz's roomate bf came...his name Chance. Chance is a rocker, never met him before but now i did. He plays music and such totally fits in. He kind of became the third amigo or roomate rather. It was indirectly but we liked him living there as did he so it was cool. One day we stumbled upon the sandwich shop called julien's. The food incredible best poboy's you would ever have. After our third day in a row there the waitress knew us and we had our own table. It was always empty but we loved it. We would go sit and talk like old men. Talking about everything and nothing ....life can be so good. The girls came and visited us several times it was very rock. each time we had a crazy amount of fun...and its always cool when you get to wake up next to a beautiful girl...i know im a dork but its true. One time the girls came they brought our friend John with them. (im gonna call him john that not his name but in order to respect his privacy of the following incidents) The next night John decided to drink like 4 bottles of wine and smoke a ridiculous amount of weed. Yea hes already really weird and he carries this huge boot knife with him. well he decided it would be funny to cut himself. He did and it was very fucking deep i could almost see the bone. after practically putting him in the car he went to the emergency room. where he proceeded to tell us and the doctor he would take extra vitamins and by the next day it would heal. He has 7 stiches. Just when things start looking up for us to come home another fucking hurricane is coming. I mean fuck give us a break. So we said fuck it we arent leaving we went and stocked up on food and water and alcohol and road the storm out at our apartment. The night it hit we went upstairs to joanna's and hung out with our african american friend greg. Let me tell you about greg he has 3 cellphones and smokes blunts like they are cigarettes he is the definition of pothead. we smoked some insane amount that night like a quarter pound or something insane. i dunno watever i was pretty out of my mind. the next day i realized i was doing all over what i did at lsu for a year. i immediately felt worthless and had to go back to new orleans to work and get my shit back on track.

Conclusion: The return to New Orleans

Last night we had one final bash at our place....the girls came up it was a kickin time. Today we got up cleaned i brought chance back to his dads in broussard. Alex and i loaded up the car and waved goodbye to our humble abode. this ended our stay in lafayette and our time as refugees. we are now finally back in the real world.

ok so yea....im not going to sit here and dwell...on all the depressing shit that has happenend...my whole family is safe....everyone i know for the most part is safe so yea ...end of story.

this whole time in houston has not been that bad hung out with lizzy alot got really drunk once....overall its been boring but bearable.

now onto the really fucked up part why i cant sleep the future...

Alex and i are planing on moving to Baton Rouge if we can and getting an apartment and working i dunno....i hope we can that would be really f'n cool...plus i would be closer to liz and all my other friends and being as now bj is going to lsu too...i think BR seems to be once again the place for me...i dont fucking no..

but as for now im stuck in fucking houston and alex in oxford Missisippi..so until he finds a way to get here so we can go into town we are Fucked....but my uncle has this apt in lafayette we can prolly chill in until everything calms down a little in br ....it will prolly be good for us...i dunno maybe we will be abble to find somewhere in BR i doubt it...watever fuck it..

my head is so fucking filled with all these thoughts i cant think straight i must have smoked more cigarettes in the past week or so than the past month...its sick...so yea i hate not knowing what is going to happen all i know if that hurricane was a person i would of slit its throat....the music...the girl...it was all going so well...hmm.

if anyone has any ideas please feel free to message them up here or u can text me on my cellphone.

this weekend hmmm...awesome....

so yea....friday i watched my cousin, left for Br around 5:00 picked up meg and stuff and we began our journey to br....got there around 7 and we went over to the miller mansion....lizzzy's dorm is kool...we hung around there for a while then lizzy's roomate went and got some beer, we hung out there and drank a lil while then lizzy was tired so we went to brightside talk about excuse me for being cliche' but a stroll down memory lane....having to walk right by my old apartment and not being able to walk in and hang out sucked an unprecedented amount. but anyway the "killer" party that was supposed to be on turned out to be nothing at all....so we turned around and went back to the dorm...then alex and i went to try and sleep at john's and he was being a fucker so yea...we didnt have anywhere to stay so i started stressing out and getting all pissy and shit not really good...but yea... so finally we went and stayed at Mac's and Bliss's place....it was really rock of them to let us stay there both nights so yea...

i woke up sat morning to the sound of madden football and screaming and yelling....so got up showered...and went to get lizzy and all them and we went to the mall....we tore it up too...we all made purchases from gap i got a rock blazer from there for guess how much yea 14.99 on sale normally 78.00 i was fucking pumped ....and i also purchased a book on the last days of the Romanov family...seems like a good read...im excited to start it....

later on that nite we went to the chinesse buffet and rocked it there...then headed back to the dorm to prep for the nights events....after a while there of sitting around being worthless we went over to bliss' again and started getting crunk...they left to go to a kegger and we went to john's it sucked ...all people i didnt know and they were to friendly or seemed interested in getting to know any of our group....so then we went back to the dorm...and i dropped alex and meg off to meet bliss....so me lizzy, sarah , and britt , went to mc'ds and back to the dorm....lizzy and i laid down and watched tv till about 2:30 then we went and slept at bliss'...

woke up sunday morning and brought her back to her dorm...and then picked up alex and meg then went back to the dorm to say bye...sucks by the way , that is saying goodbye..

ive only been dating her a couple weeks but we were hanging out and getting close....hard to say bye you know....ther i go getting all emo...well i miss her call me a pussy...or an emo child whatever...i miss her...but shes coming in this weekend and that will be rock....plus my parents work the whole weekend so yea ....that will be even better....i think she might sleep over i dunno...but anyway...i think im gonna go start that book....or go to bed...or eat...or watch swingers...ahh the endless choices.

so i got fired from work today....well not really fired persay...but my temporary contract was ended.. so therefore i am no longer employed by the hell hole that is entergy....but it's cool i have a job interview at 2:00 at Oschner today with the head of Radiology....which is awesome i hope they offer me a good position....it would really rock...so anywayz...this weekend....friday nite hung out at house...alex and i jammed...and then lizzy came over and we chilled till late in the morning....

sat...woke up late...didnt do shit....went and got my car washed....by the mexicans at Halima on vets...if you ever have an extra 12.95 and you dont know what to spend it on....go there and get your car washed...ive never seen such a group of people work so hard....much less than many humans concentrating or working in one car....after that i hung out turbo called and came over....we played xbox and watched constantine not a bad flick...but turbo made sure to give me the run thru of each and every scene bc he has extensive knowledge in demonlogy...

sun..woke up around 2 went to my dad's had to throw shit away and clean up my room there....since hes moving and shit...after that got ot my mom's hung out relaxed even fell asleep for a little while...got up showered went and picked up lizzy and meg and then we went to see the skeleton key..which was ok...good ending mostly chessy scares throughout the rest of the movie...i would say if you havent yet seen it dont....wait till it comes out on video. but nevertheless i was with lizzy ...and my friends and had fun so it was cool....after the movie we came back to my house and hung out and watched music videos and the roast of pamela anderson...and i introduced them to the strange thing known as google earth...if you havent yet seen it go to google and download it its free...its a satelitte and you can see any address in the whole world kind of creepy...tonite no idea what im doing sure ill watch laguna with liz...dunno..well im off to bed for a couple hours b4 i have to get up and shower and shave for my interview peace negroes.

Another update at work….nothing better to do I don’t have a lot of work to do today….which means children that im leaving early fuck yea! My boss said I could leave whenever I want…I decided I’m going to leave at like 2:30 so that way ill get 30 hours this week since after all I did miss work on Monday.

Yesterday when I got off work I went and met my mom and ray at outback I had a steak it was not good….over cooked but what do you expect from outback you know….(thus why I’m going to chateau briande next week for an incredible steak the best in the city…I’m going to take Lizzy before she goes away to school…it shall be a nice evening ) anyway back to the story of yesterday…once again I’d like to reiterate the fact that I didn’t get to sleep after work again yesterday…so after dinner go home I try to put a pickup in my acoustic guitar but it doesn’t fucking work I’m still pissed off about it actually…I bought these 7.00 batteries to put in it too…fucker… so then Alex and BJ came over and we chilled a little while went to Best Buy I purchased some new CDs….this guy Josh Rouse …..if you like Elliot Smith…or Ryan Adams….this guy if for you he’s incredible. His Album Nashville is a keeper. I’m enjoying it thoroughly. After Best Buy we went back to my house hung out I played some guitar and wrote a weird song on keyboard. Then everyone left and I went to bed at like 12:30 I was damn tired. That’s all for boring yesterday.

So, now let’s look to the future this weekend which is just going to be rock as hell. Tonight band practice…then around 9:30- 10 The Lobbyist is playing at my house a little open show to give all our fans and friends a taste of what to come…I don’t know we are probably going to get drunk and just jam the couple songs we have and play some covers. I think it’s going to be me, Alex, BJ, Sara, Lizzy, Sara’s roommate and whoever else wants to attend. It should be rock. Saturday night I’m sure we will be doing the same thing jamming then getting smashed up. All I know is I’m getting crunk and sleeping late both days. Well until Monday morning when I’m bored at work. I’m sure I won’t update this weekend unless something crazy happens.

"friday night we're so uptight we get stoned sit in the hamptons it is to cold"

So yea, I think today might possibly be one of the most tired days of work ive ever had…..i just want to walk out go home and crawl into my bed for hours…..i will totally be doing that after work today…no questions asked….i didn’t yesterday of course…..bc my parents were like eat with us talk with us and stuff….yea it was gay…..

Last night, I went and picked up Lizzy we went to TCBY, it was cool, I had a vanilla shake I think she had a swirl something I don’t remember I was more concerned about getting shot bc its right by that walgreens where that woman was shot…crazy shit….after the yogurt we went to blockbuster and I bought SAW, neither her nor meg had seen it so we were going to watch it then call it an early night…. Well when we got back to lizzy’s her dad had just got home from a business trip, so we talked to him for a little while and also while I was over there meg and bj were having “a talk” I don’t think they are together anymore its sad….but happens you know….so all of this pushed back the movie watching so I didn’t end up leaving until 12:40 ish…..i had wanted to be in bed by then but you know what I had fun and you only live once soo fuck it….once again im bored typing up shit to try and take up time until my break im going to take a 20 minute nap in my car….those little power naps rock my world.

As for plans tonite….dunno yet I know a nap after work is in order for both lizzy and I …..but after that I dunno my mom said something about going to outback for dinner….maybe I dunno…

On another note, I am no longer a single guy sorry to all those disappointed ladies out there…but im like “in a relationship” now with lizzy so that’s kool I really like her its fun …..and I like it.

"so much for the autographs so much for apologies so much for the promises I never intended to keep, I can't let go I can't pretend”

So… yea nothing much is going on now…im at work as I am every fucking day…it really starts to drain me the funny part is though…every morning I wake up tired and im like ….as soon as I get off work im gonna go take a nap…but im so happy to be out of work and I don’t want to waste anymore of my day I never sleep…but today I think I shall….if for no other reason than to do something different. So yea….blue is back in town ….talked to him yesterday evidently there was drama with a capital D, on the Orlando trip….as I figured thus me not going …..because I would of prolly killed someone. But yea, yesterday got off work went to Lizzy’s to hang …and talk to Meg….After I went home to jam the whole band practice thing bj jammed with us on his keyboard it was kind of cool different….but cool…not really my style or the style we are shooting for in The Lobbyist but, cool nonetheless and I had fun. I went to bed shortly thereafter well tried to anyway had to go to blockbuster to bring back a fucking movie that was overdue. Then I got home and passed out….

Tonight….Im hanging out with Lizzy ….i think we are gonna get some yogurt and watch a movie…I think we are gonna watch SAW, she hasn’t seen it…so it will be fun just trying to hang out with her before she leaves next week…im also taking her out to dinner…before she leaves….anyway…im just rambling on now bc im bored and im trying to make time go by until my lunch break because I don’t feel like working right now…and im really f’n hungry…

“you should not be angry if all she wants is your money, and you should not be angry if all he wants is your body”

So this weekend was cool…
Friday Night, I don’t remember what we did but I’m sure it was cool….I hung out with lizzy and Meg I think I don’t remember. But yea I’m sure it was rock…

Saturday night, we went to the bulldog that was cool shit I was driving though so I didn’t get to get fucked up…we went back to my house and hung out after…lizzy meg and Alex and I….

Sunday we got up same group as the night before and went shopping downtown and on magazine…I didn’t even really want/need to go shopping and who ends up buying the most shit but me…three shirts three DVDs a CD, and a pair of cowboy boots they are rock by the way…we went all over urban outfitters, buffalo exchange, funky monkey…etc.

Sunday Night, meg Alex and I and Sara and her roommate Caroline, went to TJ's it was cool then we went to my house for a little while….one can only take the cheesiness at bars for so long.

Another day at the office…..

So yesterday I said fuck it and didn’t come into work at all…I was going to go in late like after 12, but I got up and then I was like fuck it I'm not going…..so yea Alex and I drove around and I applied at some more places…. Last night was ok…another late night something I’m getting sick of and wont be able to do for much longer as long as I have this job. We went to Sara’s house….it was fun I was fucked up as usual what else is new….lizzy was at tuck’s so I didn’t get to see her last night…which is cool….hope she had fun….she’s off right now I’m jealous… her and I are like dating or whatever its cool….so yea I need to stop …I cant do this shit of getting up early every day….its killing me….like seriously fuck…

Last night was cool.....after work i picked up alex and we went to try and sell my old amp....im in deperate need of the money..so we get to the pawn shopw and the guys like yea ill trade you this bass for it im like kool...he's like let me jam on it i said sure man be my guest...welll the fucking piece of shit decides to crap out that one minute....yea it turned on but started acting all half ass and shit...really really pissed me off....so its back at my house now and we just sing out of it...

band update- alex and i are the band...right now to clear up any confusion anyone is having we write the songs...i sing the songs and play guitar and alex drums...thats pretty much all there is to it...if and when we decide to gig and need a bass player we will prolly hit up blue...i dunno..dont want to make any promises. but shit is going well alex and i have one full song down..its kool..simple but rock..

ok so back to last night lizzy came over to check out the studio at my house now...she liked it alot and thought it was kool...which is good im glad she likes it....turbo showed up unannounced very creepy/ stalkerish....hes kool though i love him...but sometimes he just says stupid shit...so bottom line from now on all practice sessions are closed to the "public" its gotta just be me and alex...no turbo...no sara...etc...no blue...just us...and we get shit done. anyway back to the grind ....ps.. i almost punched my boss in the face today.

So....once again i began to embark upon a new road of music...new group new ideas new everything...I've been writing all these songs, i have several enough for an ep i would say..Alex and i write and jam alot, yesterday however we purchased the missing piece of the puzzle a drumset. and yea you're saying none of us know how to play but we are just gonna do it...we can all keep a straight beat almost and are gonna go from there. We have jammed b4 with me on guiar and alex on set it was fucking rock. So yea.. our new project is called - The Lobbyist. We are alt-country/folk rock. We are back to the roots where it all started...no punk rock..no emo...no screaming..straight up folk shit...

My mom also let me turn my second room or (play room) at my house into a studio. so now we have all of our stuff in there and can play whenever my parents arent home....so basically every night they work..which is often like this week tues, wed, thurs we get to jam, come stop by if u want to check it out and "make sure you bring your socks so we can rock em" haha ....thats cute..sorry i had to be a dick and make fun of those annoying fucking emails....you know what im talking about. so yea...well come to think of it most of yall are going to disney to see liddy!! yay...so yall wont be here but those rebels that arent spending alot of money and are broke like me and alex come hang out and get fucked up. or just hang out.

Monday, July 11, 2005
"hello and apologies
okay so first of all i'm sorry for cancelling our tour. just to clear everything up the whole thing is cancelled even the l.a dates but circa and emanuel are still doing a tour without us. circa and emanuel are both sucessful and amazing bands so they will continue the tour on their own with no prob.
basically i lost my mind again, and when i say that i lost my mind i dont mean i had depression or anxiety but that i had full on paranoid delusions which could have really screwed me up if i didn't get to the mental hosp in good time. i could have ended up dead. this is not an excuse because i know how shitty it feels to have a band you love cancel a show but if you really love us, you love the fact that i'mkind of a fucking lunatic and that even though this may have hindered your plans to see us headline this year, it means nothing in the long term because i'm gonna come back and rock your ass so hard this fall with saves the day senses fail and the early november and with another headlining tour next year....so hard you wont even know what's coming to you. you will know how much i love those who appreciate me and my music and have the patience to understand me. if you dont, if we are just some fad that you would give up on because we canceled shows, then you can s my d and die. if you are bummed on me but you still believe, i promise to make it up to you by putting even more of myself into the music and our live show. the more you trust me the more i trust you. i am all about me and you. its about both of us. its about giving and taking. i know i have done a good amount of taking (your time, your money, your patience) and not had the oppurtunity to give but all i want is to give myself to you guys at this point because the support you've given me is beyond belief. guess what though, i don't think i'm shitty anymore either. i dont think anything about shows are scummy or crummy, they are the beginnings of something truly overwhelming. something awesome. believe we can topple the machine. you and i are the reasons why i do this. i am not fucking with you. this is a revolution. it needs to be real and i need to be mentally prepared.
i am writing new songs too. i have changed as a person because i have found inner confidence and fallen in love. the next record will be one about the triumph of humanity instead of its corruption. its picking up where it admit it left off. its the sequel motherfuckers and its going to be rock and and roll music. its going to be the same honesty but its not going to be about redundancy. its going to be about breaking the mold.
people have freaked out about me posting that i am full on gay. this is not cool. i am even gayer that i am taking the time to explain this statement. i dont deny that i am fully gay if gay is what i and what many people say it is, which is open to the idea of spending my life with a dude especially if my exceptionally beautiful girlfriend breaks my heart one day, which i am faithful that she won't. however i think dudes can be hot too, so fuck you if you dont get me. for all i know if i we break up i'll be doing horses and camels. i dont give a fuck all i know is i am all about this woman. peep my aol icon and guess what you cant have her.
i am not a 'rock star'. i am not a self serving brat. i DO appreciate what i have and i am trying my hardest to be independent. i feel like a butterfly. i feel like a new chapter to your favourite book. i love those who love me. if you dont have love for me, if you are a HATER then BEGONE. I am too busy now for you. i am beyond doubting my soul. i will continue to be awkward and neurotic and "corny". to me corniness translates to romanticism. i think love is overwhelming and deserves the ultimate respect, over anything. a good friend once said to me "love or death.". i BELIEVE. i dont give a fuck. the people who truly love me LOVE that.
i am here for you on aol. my screename is sayanythingmax but i cannot answer most of the ims because they come too fast but chances are if you stick with it you will get a response from me at some point. i dont ignore people on purpose unless i have to nor do i judge anyone. dont be an idiot. i am grateful any of you guys have the balls to im me at all. try to overcome your doubt. believe you are beautiful. look at yourself through someone elses green eyes. believe someone out there will find you and kiss your skin until you can feel it blister with the heat. believe in something bigger than your problems and you will be saved. look up at the beautiful "melon sky". it will answer all your questions. it will unite us against the machine. my best friend taught me the best way to battle the machine is to ignore it. ignore the obnoxious hipsters. ignore those who will put you in a box because of what country you were spat out of. ignore the judgemental indie rockers. ignore the trenchoat mafia. ignore the right wing fanatics. ignore anyone who rubs you the wrong way. ignore me if you need to but dont ignore love. its what i am fighting for.
big news to come later this week. stay tuned.
max
p.s i am not anakin. we are the anakin generation."